


golden hour

by mightystranger (itiswhatitisbutterfly)



Category: Gossip Girl (TV 2007)
Genre: F/M, Flashbacks, Fluff, Marriage, Missing Scene, Post-Canon, Pregnancy, because these two deserve all the happiness in the world, flashbacks to include missing moments from most of the seasons, this is very on brand aka fluff
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-13
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:28:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 16,299
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28725111
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itiswhatitisbutterfly/pseuds/mightystranger
Summary: If their Saturday nights were velvet with dark deep red wine and music on the gramophone flooding the house, the Sunday morning was golden with croissants and fresh newspapers. Blair loved the smell of fresh baked goods, brewed coffee and print. And she loved the man who held her in his arms. She saw a lifetime of true New York nights filled with big feelings and adventures. She saw a lifetime of sparkling brightness and golden hours. It was a life filled like a kaleidoscope.The journey of marriage and parenthood, with some visits to the past.
Relationships: Chuck Bass/Blair Waldorf
Comments: 8
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> i hope this timeline is not confusing, italics are flashbacks. (why flashbacks? because i felt like it)
> 
> this will be split into two (maybe three?) chapters, with the next ones probably taking us past the five year flashforward and will likely include some serena/nate. i write mostly for myself based on what i want to read, i hope you also enjoy it because that is the added bonus! i've re-read some of these scenes so much they are a blur of words now, but some make me very proud so be kind.
> 
> title from kacey musgraves song of the same name

In the midst of the party she noticed he was missing, so she stole a bottle of their Dom and ignored all duties. He knew what he was doing. There she was in the middle of a bustling room one moment and gone the next.

Blair slipped out, she ignored the laughter and the music. She carried the bottle by the neck and held two glasses by their stems and the edge of her long dress in the other. She took the stairs. It led her to their highest point until the music drowned out to a soft distant hum and all that accompanied her was heels against hardwood floors.

She opened the door to the roof with ease and there he was watching the sky. He admired the Manhattan skyline that bled into the darkness instead of foolishly trying to spot stars. He listened to the soundtrack of the night he knew by heart and he waited.

“Enticing me up onto rooftops? Reminds me of junior year,” Blair said in lieu of a greeting.

He smirked, turning his eyes from the sky to her, and she watched him. “I’ve never had to entice you,” he replied.

They were probably too old now to play like teenagers, but they still did. It was thrilling to still want like you were seventeen. It was exciting to have the freedom of being adults in their big house that they filled with dreams. It was even more fun to play with the certainty of forever. 

Blair walked toward Chuck and passed him the bottle. “What are you thinking?” she asked.

He effortlessly poured the two glasses she held out. She handed him one and he placed the bottle on the ground. “I was thinking about where we were this time last year.”

The best day of their lives would have been wrapping up. They were too high on the feeling, had drunk way too much and couldn’t keep their hands off each other. Blair smiled. He tugged her close and she pressed herself up against him. She let her head rest against its home on his chest. “One year,” she sighed.

“The best year of my life,” he replied.

It really was. She swayed them in time with his beating heart. It was too ridiculous to say out loud, so she kept it to herself – but she knew with all certainty she had found him in this life, she would find him in the next, and in any other place or time.

-

2007

_The party is dying, and Chuck is dead bored out of his mind._

_‘Are you wearing them?’ he sends without a second thought. His mind wanders a lot nowadays. It is obsessive, he wonders what she thinks about, what she feels and does. He can wake thinking of her and fall asleep alone at night on the same train of thought. It is no surprise then, that even in this room filled with people, he is stuck in a constant looping thought of Blair._

_She responds quickly. ‘No.’_

_He smirked, glass in one hand and his phone in the other. His eyes searched the room for her but she was nowhere to be found among the masses of their classmates. She won’t be caught dead by his side now. She said it was because he embarrasses her, but he never did before. Chuck knows better. She can’t control herself, even just her expressions and looks that seep with lust would give it away. He was just as guilty. They were both just too prideful._

_‘Liar,’ he text back. ‘I know you’re wearing them.’_

_He thinks he can hear her laugh. She is probably cornered up with her friends, martini in hand._

_‘You’ll never know.’ She taunts him like he is her toy. She pretends she doesn’t want to play but keeps coming back to the board trying to one up him until they end up back in bed._

_‘I already know.’_

_Chuck moves from his spot and walks through the crowded room. He doesn’t look for Blair. He doesn’t need to, if he was watching for her then he knows she was searching for him. Her responses that came through in under thirty seconds were all the proof he needed. She smiled and laughed, but her mind was caught up on who he was talking to or catching the attention of. He knew it. He knew her._

_He slipped out the side door, pulling a cigarette out and taking the stairs up to the roof two at a time. It is barely a minute after he gets the door open and is digging around for a lighter when she appears like a shadow. The door shutting behind her._

_Blair steps right toward him. She is a sight in a small black dress, the balance between innocent and wicked. “You are so arrogant,” she says. She doesn’t bother with greeting him. Blair walked up like she owned him._

_“As are you,” he replied._

_“Oh, you are sweet when you compliment me.”_

_He sneered, clearly enjoying her. He abandoned the cigarette to feed his other vice._

_She pushed him against the brick wall and tugged at his scarf until their lips met roughly in the middle. Blair threaded her hands through his hair as his own snuck toward the edge of her tight dress. They crept up the sides as she kissed him until they teased the edge of her underwear. “I win. These are the ones I bought,” he whispered._

-

The morning is inherently romantic. The sky bled and washed away the night. If their Saturday nights were velvet with dark deep red wine and music on the gramophone flooding the house, the Sunday morning was golden with croissants and fresh newspapers.

Blair loved the smell of fresh baked goods, brewed coffee and print. And she loved the man who held her in his arms. She sipped her coffee as they both scanned the financial section. Her dress and shoes last night were abandoned somewhere between the door and the edge of the bed. Their eyes tracked the pages in sync until Chuck flipped it. “We should invest,” he mumbled to himself regarding an identified up and coming stock. Blair broke some croissant off and passed it to him as they turned the page.

“That is a good photo,” Blair stated. She pointed out the picture of Nate in the political section that pondered his future. Her eyes tracked an article about primary elections until she focused on her coffee. Chuck nodded in agreement before folding the paper up and pushing it to the side.

He grabbed his coffee from the tray and left a kiss on her cold looking bare shoulder. She watched his hands, his ring finger and the platinum glow. Twelve months.

“I have an answer,” Blair said softly. She saw a lifetime of true New York nights filled with big feelings and adventures. She saw a lifetime of sparkling brightness and golden hours. It was a life filled like a kaleidoscope, because that was what life was – the simple, the dramatic, the deep, and the soft. They loved big crowds and parties, but not as much as time just for the two of them. There was going to be good and there was going to be tough, but it was better than she could put into words.

Chuck hummed in response, “To what question?”

It could be the question of what they should eat for dinner, if they should start their Christmas shopping, or even what the upcoming week had in store for them.

She smiled but he couldn’t see it as she faced away from him between his arms. Blair tilted her head to the side and back. She looked up at him and moved her left palm to stroke his cheek. “The question you asked me on the last day of our honeymoon.”

She pictured brown eyes, and strong jaw bones. She dreamt of confident, determined and strong-willed children with the world at their feet. Their world would never be quiet. This world would never be the same. Blair watched his eyes light up with hope and like they were linked she felt her chest burst with warmth. It flooded to the tips of her. “Let’s have a baby.”

-

2009

_Chuck held his hand out to a giggling Blair who finally took it and he tugged her successfully off the stage. She stumbled into his arms and dropped the microphone. Blair was wobbling on her heels, with messy smudged lipstick and she was everything a sober Blair would despise. “Did you like it?” she said with big eyes and a bigger grin. The room was loud with people, lights and music._

_“I loved it,” Chuck replied over the noise. She would hate it tomorrow. He would still love it._

_Blair grinned and attempted to kiss all over his face. “I love you,” she sighed. “I love you. I love you.”_

_She kept herself busy in her attempt to not leave one spot of his face unkissed. Chuck took the opportunity to get his hand under her legs and scoop her up into her arms. She came easily. This was the only way she wouldn’t be able to escape out of his sight and surprise him again._

_“I love you too,” he replied as her expression soured into drunken confusion._

_“Hey,” she mumbled. She tried to shove his shoulder. “What are you doing?”_

_“We’re going home,” he said as he carried her toward the door and away from the party. “You’ve earnt it.”_

_Blair considered it for a second before letting her head flop against his chest. It was catching up with her. “Alright,” she sighed in agreement. She threaded her fingers through his hair and let her arms wrap around him. “I guess my feet do hurt.”_

_Chuck walked them toward the waiting car. “Did you have a good time?”_

_The driver opened the door and Chuck thanked him. He placed Blair carefully into the car and joined her. “I had the best time,” she giggled._

_“Happy birthday,” Chuck replied. He kissed the top of her head as she let is rest against his. She tangled their fingers together as they sat in the back seat and the car moved through the city streets._

_“Are you alright?”_

_Blair nodded as her head spun. She focused on him and not the coming realisation that she was going to pay for this in the morning. The moving car and bright city lights were hypnotising. If is she was slightly less drunk she would’ve climbed onto his lap and tugged his clothes off._

_“I’m not going to remember this tomorrow,” Blair sighed. It might be a good thing._

_“I think you will,” he replied._

_It might be the two of them being in the back of a moving vehicle that makes her nostalgic. If jumping on stage and serenading him wasn’t proof enough, she again felt the drunken need to remind him of how she felt. She had to say it. “You’re the best. I’ll love you forever.” With zero filter or thought she ran a hand across his cheek and whispered, “We will make such cute babies.”_

_She might not remember it tomorrow, but he knows he will. Despite her state, and the fact that she probably doesn’t mean it the words burn into him. He doesn’t reply, he just smiles._

_“Do you not agree?” she grumbles, frowning and shoving him playfully. He catches her hands and kisses the backs of them._

_“I agree,” he replies softly. “I will always love you.”_

_“Good,” she says with a grin. “We could go start now.”_

_He has to carry her out of the car, through the lobby and up the elevator to their room. Blair flops on the bed and he slides her shoes off one at time. She tugs at the zipper on her dress until she gives up. He gets it to move and slips it over her head. “You’re cute,” she says with a yawn. She puckered her lips until he pecked her back._

_He gets her asleep under the covers after she drinks a few glasses of water. Chuck switches the lights off and joins her, tugging her close up against him. She never mentions the car ride home when she wakes. She does mention how much her head hurts and how much she will kill him if anyone ever hears about the singing._

-

Blair looked at the plastic stick and the truth was she was scared. The excitement, the anticipation and all the good she had been feeling for the last six hours was washed out. The clocked ticked and she turned the test face down so she didn’t have to look at it what it said.

She wondered if she could wait nineteen weeks. If her body changed and grew, she could pretend it was some wonderful mystery. If one day it stopped growing it wouldn’t hurt so much. Because, if it happened this time it would break her in two. She could break him too and that would kill her all the same. Blair turned and walked out of the bathroom. She wished this could be like she dreamed or what other people had. In the version in her head she would rush to look at the answer with glee, she would surprise him with the news, and he would sweep her off her feet.

Instead, she was an anxious and nervous wreck. There were scars on her to battle. Blair made her way out of their bathroom and toward the library where she knew she would find Chuck. He heard her enter and shut the book he was reading closed. “Do you want to go to bed?” he asked casually, pushing it to the side.

Blair shook her heard and walked closer to him. He watched her carefully as she sat herself down on his lap in his spot by the window. Without thought, his hands wrapped her up to stroke up and down her bare forearms. “What’s wrong?”

He asked it with deep sincerity. His voice was laced with concern and his eyes searched hers. That was it, she thought. He knew her. He was home. The deep-rooted anxieties, fears and thoughts were being washed out. She looked at him and felt love, strength, excitement and determination. They would be alright.

“In our bathroom there is a pregnancy test, and I need you to look at the answer for me.”

There it was again, his eyes lit up with hope. She continued, “I don’t want to do this alone. I don’t think I can, I need you.”

Chuck took her hands in his. He understood, no matter the answer it was unsettling her either way. The simple act of lacing them together reminded her she was never in anything alone now. He had this look of wonder in his eyes and she basked in it. “Do you really think you might be?”

It had just been a little over a month and a half. It seemed like it should be too good to be true, but then they were trying, and the signs were there. “Maybe,” Blair replied.

“Okay,” Chuck said with finality.

He took her hand and led her back. This time she felt less of the past weighing on her, and more of the future coming into fruition. He reached for it. “Wait,” Blair said suddenly.

He looked at her. “Blair,” Chuck said softly. “It will be fine. No matter what happens, it will be alright.”

“I know,” she replied, with a nod. “I think I can do it.”

“Alright,” Chuck replied. He didn’t let go and simply moved her so he could hold her from behind, with his arms wrapped around her middle. His chin rested on her shoulder.

She picked it up and there it was. “We’re having a baby,” she said with a grin.

-

There were only two people that knew their secret, just him and her (and the obstetrician but they don’t count) which was exactly how she wanted it. Blair was filled with a warm sickly-sweet feeling when she looked at him in the morning, across the room or late at night. The time would come but as long as physically you could not tell and she could hide it, they would keep it between them.

The wedding of Lily and William take two was intimate. It was just a handful of family and a few friends that made their way upstate. It was a cool and still afternoon.

“We can leave whenever you want,” Chuck whispered in Blair’s ear as the small ceremony finished. She leant into the hand on the small of her back. “I’ll just say something came up at work, Lily won’t care.”

Blair tried to conceal her small eye roll. “Thank you,” she replied. “But honestly I’m fine, just thirsty.”

“I’ll get you a drink,” he responded. Chuck made his way toward the bar and Blair turned to see if she could find Serena. She found her easily and she was tugged into a hug.

“I missed you,” Serena said as she squeezed her.

“How as Europe?” Blair asked as she pulled away. Serena had spent the last month travelling and had only been forced back by the nuptials. Like always she was living life as if she did not have a care in the world, and her relationships followed suit.

“Amazing,” Serena sighed. “It was so nice to just do everything laid back with no plans, just travelling where I felt called.”

Blair held back the judgement in her tone as she asked, “Is Dan here is as your date? Or, is he just somehow invested enough in your mother’s relationships enough to score an invite?”

Serena held back any annoyance. “I asked him months ago, it just felt right for him to come,” she replied with ease. She wistfully looked over at him making conversation with someone across the lawn.

Blair was settled on the fact that she would never understand it and she didn’t care to. “Your mom looks happy,” she offered instead of judgement regarding Dan. Serena hadn’t been public about her indifference to her parents getting back together but Blair knew the truth. She offered her a tight smile in response.

“If she is happy, I can be happy for her.”

Their conversation was cut short as Chuck returned with a full glass of mint cucumber water for Blair. She melted at the sight of it and quickly look it from his hands, “Thank you,” she offered along with a smile. Serena disappeared after greeting Chuck and left them to themselves.

Weddings were still Blair’s weakness. She leant up into the side of Chuck. “No drink for you?” she asked, noticing his empty hand. He fitted an arm around her easily. 

“No,” he replied softly. “I’m alright.”

They sat down for their meal, but as they started bringing out the dishes the first thing Blair noticed was that she wouldn’t be able to eat it. The tiny salad was covered in blue cheese. Sensing her discomfort, Chuck placed an arm around the back of her chair and leaned over. “Don’t worry,” Chuck whispered, for just her to hear. “I asked them to make you something else.”

The growing anxiety settled, and she turned to peck him against his lips. “Thank you,” she replied.

“I told the chef you’re experimenting with veganism,” he added quietly with a wink.

Blair faked a laugh but then narrowed her eyes at him as she said, “I have no remorse stealing from you, what is yours is mine.”

“You can punish me later.”

She caught herself frequently smiling at nothing, it was the little things. She knew he listened and cared. It was never for show and it was never big grand things that really matter in the end. Those were nice, but futile. He could gift their baby a million toys, could buy out every store on fifth avenue and more but in the end, it wasn’t what really counted. They both knew it. It mattered that they made sure they went to every appointment together. He would change an entire day or week just to make it. It mattered to Blair that he asked questions she hadn’t thought of and reminded her of things she had forgotten. There were things that scared him and worried her. It mattered that they were a team on them all together.

They did not notice anyone else at the table and their inquisitive looks toward their little corner of the world. The outside world never really fully grasped them. It was still strange to the likes of Serena, Dan and even Eric. Chuck nor Blair cared.

She watched him as they ate, drank and talked on their table. The sun set in the corner of her eye. The arm around her chair never left. It was growing dark but still early when they called it a night. He helped her with her coat and bag as they exited and made their way toward the waiting car. They followed a path toward the road lit by the forgiving moonlight and a splatter of stars in the sky.

“Thank you,” Blair said softly. “For looking after us.”

He raised their joined hands and smiled at her. The type of smile she only ever saw. Blair stopped them, suddenly feeling like she had to say more. “I know you’re scared and all, so am I,” she added. “I have to stop myself when I worry. Please listen, you’re already such a great father.”

Blair leant up on the tips of her toes to kiss him, her fingers brushing his jaw. She savoured the way she smiled into it and could feel him smile back. “We’re lucky to have you,” she whispered as they finished.

“And we’re luckier to have you,” Chuck added. His palm resting softly against the still smooth pane of her stomach. He snuck on one last surprise kiss against her lips.

-

2012

_There is no award ceremony or ribbon at the end of the best day of your life. Even if there was, Blair had a feeling they were about to keep getting better and better from here onward. Despite already being on cloud nine, she was sure the best was still yet to come._

_Like the entirety of the day (and probably them as a couple) the reception was thrown together but somehow imperfectly perfect. There was food, a lot of champagne and everyone she wanted in one room together. He filled the room with what seemed to be all the peonies in Manhattan because there was room for a lifetime supply of them and then a little more. The soundtrack of the evening was cheer and laughter._

_“Did you wake up this morning and expect we would end up here?” Blair asked him as she leant over to his chair next to hers. She wrapped her arm around him and ran wild fingers through the hair at the back of his head._

_Chuck smiled at her. Blue was her favourite colour. It was fitting that she picked it for her dress and his bow tie. Out of habit, and without thinking twice, she adjusted it for him. She waited for his answer._

_“I didn’t sleep last night,” he replied honestly. “But no, I didn’t consider it. I thought we would be on a remote island by now.”_

_“I know,” she said in response. She smiled like she had a secret to share. “I did sleep, and I dreamt I was in Charade again. It was the end scene, where Reggie asks Brian to prove his real name and he says he will put it on a marriage licence for her.”_

_“Was it me or Cary Grant?”_

_Blair grinned knowingly. “It’s always you.”_

_They cut the cake and she shoved a piece in his face. He kissed her within a second until she giggled high on him and life. They tasted like vanilla bean and Dom Perignon. It sounded like sixty years of wedded bliss._

_He spun her around the dance floor, and she told him unspoken secrets. They were something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue. “Are you unmeasurably happy?” she asked. “Because I am.”_

_“Is that rhetorical?” he asked back._

_She smiled. “It is. I already knew the answer.”_

_Blair throws the bouquet into the crowd with hope it brings someone else her good luck. She is too caught up to care who catches it. She pushes Chuck down by his shoulders until he kneels in front of her. He looks at her like he is sixteen and watching her properly for the first time. At that moment Blair didn’t care about her mother’s approval, and right now at her wedding reception she doesn’t care for it any more or any less. The mutters of her inappropriate streak can’t be heard. She lifts her leg up and places it on the chair in front of her. “I love a tradition. Find my garter,” she tells him with a cunning grin._

_His fingers travel up her thighs like they are eighteen and he adores them. He still does. “Can I use my teeth?”_

_She smirks. “I wouldn’t expect anything else. But be gentle, this dress took five thousand hours to hand embroid.”_

_“Always,” he whispers._

_It is quick work. It isn’t hidden up too high. He is also the master navigator of her legs. He doesn’t need a map. It just takes a little handiwork and a bit of teeth to pull it out. He flicks it in the direction of Nate’s head._

_It is nearing one o’clock in the morning when they finally leave. “Did you get me the honeymoon suite?” Blair asks him as he carries her out the ballroom and to the elevator._

_“I might have,” he replies. “I would’ve bought you the whole hotel, but it was a bit short notice.”_

_It is the biggest suite at the Plaza and they open the door to a room filled to the brim blue and white peonies. There are candles, another bottle of Dom Perignon and a record player crooning. It was all wonderful, and perfect. She kissed him as they walked through the threshold. He was all she wanted, whether it be here in this perfect paradise or the dodgy bed and breakfast they slept at the night before._

_-_

“October? That is so soon,” Eleanor exclaimed. She tugged her glasses off. “Blair, when were you planning on telling me I was going to be a grandmother? The delivery room?”

“This is wonderful news!” Cyrus added, with joy.

“I just wanted it to be our secret for as long as I could,” Blair replied. She smiled over at Chuck. “I just want to do things my way, please understand.”

Their reactions were exactly as she expected. Cyrus clapped his hands in joy. Eleanor eyed her stomach area in suspicion and then shook her head as the puzzle pieces fell together. Chuck and Blair had cancelled their planned trip to Paris earlier in the year and moved it back. Blair had seemed happier than usual over the phone but also more temperamental. They had arrived and sat them down immediately.

“Well,” Eleanor sighed, finally letting her excitement come to the surface. “It is very delightful news. I am glad my subtle hints worked.”

The subtle hints were more like constant loud reminders. If you had asked Blair five years ago if her mother was the type to pester for grandchildren, it would have been a firm no. The years and her happy marriage had melted her away.

“I’ll now be able to fill my golden years with things other than just cruises and wine tours,” she added.

“Because you’ll be busy helping me out with what I’ll do with work?” Blair questioned, with a sweet smile. She was sure she knew the answer. Within the hints there was always a gentle helpful undercurrent, Eleanor wanted to make sure she never felt unsupported career wise in the way she had. The more the weeks went by Blair considered the fragility of balancing two dreams with no helping hands. It was powerful to accept help.

“I’ve had a plan for years.”

-

The doctor calls during her lunch break. Blair is mid salad when she answers the phone and it ruins her day. “I really need you to go in for a scan today, we’re just a bit worried about the way your growth has been tracking and these blood results that just came in.”

If that didn’t make her feel ill he has to add on the additional, “Is there any thing you want to tell us in regards to your eating habits that you’ve overlooked?”

She was not naïve, she knew that in bold at the top of her file was a note. It was a note that boldly reminded everyone she came into contact with of her, ‘Past history of eating disorder.’ It meant they looked at her under a microscope. They questioned her words.

“No. I would know if my eating disorder had returned,” Blair grumbled. “And I wouldn’t lie.”

That was the truth, but there was also a bitter truth that she had lied in the past. It made her throat constrict at the thought of it all. The persistent sickness she experienced was hard, the way some days she barely recognised her body were strange, but it was okay. It was worth it.

She had him forward the referral to her assistant who she tasked with getting her the earliest possible appointment. Blair only hires the best of the best and she was scored the next available appointment. She picked up her bag and walked toward the door as she hit the speed dial on her mobile.

Blair had been expecting it to go to Chuck’s voicemail as she knew his schedule like her own due to their synced calendars. She was pleasantly surprised when he picked up. “Hello beautiful,” he answered.

“Aren’t you supposed to be in a project review meeting?” she said in lieu of a warm greeting.

“Are you calling to make sure I attend my meetings?” he laughed. “Romantic.” She could tell he was talking quieter than normal like he was standing in a hallway or was slipping into an empty room.

“No, I am far to busy to do that. Did it get cancelled?”

He exhales a long breath. “No. I am was just absolutely dead tired of hearing these project managers excuse away their overspending woes. You are much more entertaining.”

Blair smiles as she reaches the elevator. She waits to click the button and glances at her watch. “I am _not_ having a good day. The morning was a mess, and now Dr Linton wants me to have an ultrasound today. I know he is the best obstetrician in the state but sometimes he really annoys me –“

“Today?” Chuck interrupts.

“Yes,” Blair sighs. “I’m going right now.”

“I’ll meet you there.”

“ _Chuck,_ ” Blair says, accentuating every letter. “He is just being pedantic. Don’t walk out of that meeting this is not a big deal.”

“I already did. I’ll see you in twenty minutes.”

Blair went to begin her next sentence, but the insufferable idiot had hung up on her. He knew Waldorf subtext like the back of his hand. Blair wouldn’t call if she was not worried and she would always say no when trying to placate her own fears. She hit the elevator button.

-

2012

_Blair didn’t know the time. She couldn’t recall one detail of where her phone had ended up. Regardless, it did not matter because time was unimportant. She knew it was very late from the silence outside and in the hotel as she woke. If she really thought about it and did the maths, they had been in bed for almost 48 hours. However, she didn’t._

_She indulged in the escapist feeling of being held in her lovers arms. She woke softly, slowly and then all at once. She rolled over eventually and pulled herself from the warm embrace holding her tenderly. For the first time, she was without him. Chuck slept deeply beside her at peace._

_There had been small breaks between for room service deliveries of iced Dom, buckets of strawberries and other treats but otherwise they had been completely cut off from life for almost two days. If the world had ended or gone to war, they were fools with no cares. They laid together, slept together, and even bathed in a mess of limbs ignorant to anything else. She sat up and pulled the sheet with her to cover her naked flesh. This was like arriving in paradise after being stuck wandering in a dessert. There was no way she was leaving this hotel room. She would live here in this suite between its gold and red trimmings, ocean views and steep price tag forever._

_He was too peaceful to wake. Blair realised quickly she was hungry and gathered the strength to pull herself out of the sheets. Her movement caused a few coloured gambling chips to fall from the bed and onto the floor. It brought back to life the memory of them at the table, playing their hand - playing together. The sexual tension growing with every movement. The stakes getting higher, the silent promises and bets of what was to follow if they won rising until it burst. They exploded somewhere between the table, the elevator and the room._

_Her feet touched the floor and she slipped off the bed, completely exposed. Blair searched the floor in the dimly lit room for something to throw on. She couldn’t put her dress on so grabbed his white shirt and slipped it over her shoulders. She walked over toward a table in the corner and grabbed a box of chocolates they had been devouring at one point. She slipped a chocolate in her mouth and spied a leather bounded menu beside the box. The idea of real food was tempting her. She gathered them both up and turned around to walk back toward the massive bed._

_He was now partially sitting up against the pillows with his eyes half open._

_“Hi,” Blair whispered sweetly. She hoped she looked a sight. If the look on his face was anything to go on, he must have thought so. But she knew no matter how she looked in the moment his expression would have been the same one of pure amazement. Blair slinked back toward the bed in his shirt and carrying the chocolates and menu._

_“Good morning,” Chuck stated completely ironically considering it was most likely sometime between midnight and mid-morning. He opened his arms and she climbed straight into them and into their bed. He instantly searched her for mouth and she looked for his. They locked lips for a peck that quickly turned heated. She climbed into his lap and wrapped her arms around his neck. The chocolate box and menu dropped beside them. His white unbuttoned shirt quickly slipped off._

_It was Chuck who broke the kiss and stopped it developing further. He pulled away and tugged the shirt back up and onto her. But he did continue to run his hands up and down her sides under his shirt once it was back on. “We have time,” he told her. “We need some proper food.”_

_Blair hummed a soft agreement but stayed in her spot in his lap and collected the menu that was abandoned beside his head. She scanned the items. “I want lobster.”_

_She always got what she wanted._

-

It had been a long uncomfortably hot afternoon. Blair was reaching her limit. She lay on their bed above the covers just watching the fan she had had Dorota plug in spin. The movie playing on her laptop beside her was just white noise. The box of sugary treats on the other side had been abandoned because reaching them took too much effort.

“I can’t even sit a laptop on me anymore - this is dehumanising,” she had moaned at her maid’s earlier attempt at trying to cheer her up.

The door to the room opened and in walked her too cheerful looking husband. He tugged his tie off.

“You’re late,” Blair grumbled. She didn’t make eye contact.

“I’m actually early beautiful,” Chuck replied. He dropped his tie and then jacket at the end of the bed.

Blair frowned and folded her arms in a huff above the baby bump. “Semantics. It feels late to me therefore you are late.”

Chuck smiled, of course she was that stubborn. He walked closer and leant down toward her to try steal a kiss. “I missed you,” he said as he sneaked up slowly like she was a python. She held her resolve and frowned at him, she then focused her attention on _Roman Holiday_. Chuck gently closed the lid of the laptop until it turned itself off.

“I was watching that,” Blair huffed.

“I ordered your favourite for dinner,” Chuck replied, ignoring her obvious lie. Blair’s eyes lit up like a Christmas tree and he landed the kiss squarely on her lips.

“I love you,” Blair whispered as they broke away. He retreated away from her and continued to remove his work clothes and make his way toward the shower.

“It will be here in thirty minutes. Dorota said you’ve been in bed all day, so we are eating downstairs.” he said.

Dorota was a traitor and she needed to block her number on Chuck’s mobile. Blair rolled her eyes. “It is because I don’t have any clothes to wear,” she offered as an excuse for her recluse behaviour.

“Naked is fine.”

Blair grabbed the closest pillow from beside her and aimed it at his head. It got him on the back as he walked into their wardrobe. “Your son is listening.”

She could hear him laugh from her spot on the bed. He came back out with a new set of clothes. “Your aim used to be better,” he retorted back like he didn’t care for his life.

She glared at him as he disappeared into the bathroom and she waited for the tell-tale sign the shower was running. She didn’t want to admit it. He was right that she should get out of bed, and she lifted herself up to try see if she could grab a clean set of pyjamas to slip on. She felt the bed vibrate and with her own phone on the side table she noticed it had to be Chuck’s inside the pocket of his abandoned suit jacket. It was too much effort to reach for it so she let it go to voicemail.

She sat up fully and swung her legs over the side to land her feet firmly on the floor. She searched for her fluffy slippers and managed to slip them on without needing to bend at all. The low hum of Chuck’s mobile ringing began again and she groaned, it was probably her mother or Dorota spying on her. Blair stood and shuffled over toward the end of the bed to fish it out.

The name Daphne appeared on the screen and Blair hit answer in a rage. She had never heard the name before but was suddenly infuriated. To call once at this time of day was rude, but to call twice in a row was unforgiveable.

“Blair Waldorf Bass speaking,” she said sweetly.

The woman on the other end of the line sounded flustered for a moment. “Hello Mrs Bass, is your husband available?”

Blair rolled her eyes and cringed. She sounded preppy and unlikeable, almost like she was trying hard to sell herself. “He isn’t,” Blair replied quickly. “I’m sure I can help, what were you after?”

She again sounded unsure of herself for a second in the silence. Daphne then quickly replied, “Unfortunately it is private, just let him know to return the call. Thank you, have a great evening!”

Blair listened as the line died. She tossed the phone on the bed and seethed. Her hands rested firmly on her now hard to find hips and she wobbled around in circles. The sound of the shower cut, and she pulled open the bathroom door and stormed in.

“I’m glad you took my advice,” Chuck said as he towelled himself and admired the fact that she had climbed out of bed.

“Who is _Daphne_?” Blair seethed. She pointed an accusing finger at him. She would be scarier if she wasn’t so tiny. She was small, in silk pyjamas, matching slippers and was about ninety percent baby bump. He looked at her for a second and then sighed with a tiny smile, because he really did love her and this was so predictable. He knew he wouldn’t be able to keep a secret long. This smile enraged her more.

“And why is she calling you about private secretive things?” Blair shouted. Her arms flailed around.

“She is a real estate agent,” he replied calmly.

Blair laughed. “Your real estate agents name is Cameron Albright and he went to Dartmouth, I am not stupid.”

“This is a new one -”

Blair interrupted, “Did you upgrade him? Let me remind you I’ll divorce you and enjoy it. I’ll take all your money, and the dog too.”

Chuck now feared she was close to picking up their shampoo and condition bottles to pelt him. He raised his arms in surrender and tried to walk a little closer to her. “It is supposed to be a surprise for you,” he said softly.

Blair cooled a little. “I hate surprises that are perky blondes,” she muttered between clenched teeth.

He got his hands on her forearms and held her. He wanted to say she wasn’t blonde but held his tongue, because he was not suicidal. “She is new because she works from Southampton.”

Blair’s tiny frown slowly started to turn into a smile. “I still don’t like her, but I like the sound of this.”

“You don’t have to, but she is good at her job. She was probably calling to tell me she has finally convinced the owners of the place I saw to sell.”

There was a bubble of realisation on Blair’s face that rose to the surface. This was her big grand baby bearing gift she had been craving. She had been betting on a new diamond ring, but a twenty-million-dollar holiday home was much better. “Can I see it?” Blair asked, extra sweetly.

“Do you not trust me? The best real estate developer in New York? The person who knows you best? Your loving husband, the father of your child?” Chuck replied, punctuating every point.

Blair huffed out an almost silent, “Fine.”

She could picture long summers split between the city, the Hamptons and up on her father’s estate in France. It reminded her of her own childhood, and she grinned at his thoughtfulness. “I love you,” she added, in lieu of apologising for her mood swings and erratic behaviour.

“I should’ve known better than to expect I could’ve kept a secret.”

“That is true. That outburst was entirely your doing.”

-

2010

_Blair woke many mornings at The Empire but this was the first time she rolled over to realise she was alone. It had only been a few weeks of having this blissful haven. There was a comforting warmth about how each day it started to feel a little more homely and hers. It took a moment to dwell on her that it was a Tuesday, she had sleepily kissed Chuck goodbye already and she had a lecture in an hour. Their previous nights antics had tired her._

_Blair pulled herself up and out of bed quickly. She tugged off her eye mask and placed it on her side table before quickly looking around for the outfit she had planned the day before. It was hanging where she had left it, planned out next to his. The closer she got she realised his clothes were gone and there was a new addition. To her surprise he had left a note pinned to it. It was definitely not there when she fell asleep._

_If her old soul longed for wistful letters and notes, Blair did not utter a word. It was one thing to dream in film, it was another to long for handwritten thoughts, musings or poems from a lover. She was no heroine without a mobile phone. However, it appeared she did not need to voice her wishes. If she needed more proof that he was always able to uncover the most secret of her desires, there it was._

_She plucked it off and opened it._

_“I missed waking up together this morning and I’ll miss you all day._

_'Admit impediments. Love is not love_

_Which alters when it alteration finds,_

_Or bends with the remover to remove._

_O_ _no! it is an ever-fixed mark_

_T_ _hat looks on tempests and is never shaken; I_

_t is the star to every wand'ring bark'_

_CB.”_

_She blushed and held it to her chest, until she remembered she had to hurry. Blair slipped the note in her handbag for safe keeping._

_-_

Serena executed the perfect baby shower. It was a great perk having a best friend who was now an event planner by day. It was flawless down to every last detail, from the décor to the food. Yet somehow in the time after being showered with ridiculous amounts of gifts Blair found herself teary eyed and hiding. She had so many great things and if she balanced the scales she had more than enough to be content for this life time and another. It didn’t matter though, she was only human and she felt let down. It poured over her a wave of anxieties.

She had slipped out and snuck away easily for a moment of contemplation. In the room that was one Serena’s from childhood she sat and reflected. In a few short weeks, the doctor would hand over her baby into her arms. Blair let her eyes tear up in a true moment of fear. She couldn’t understand how she could still feel like the child. The door to the room opened and quickly closed, and Blair spotted her husband. The hum of the party crept in and was quickly silenced.

Chuck made his way to sit down beside her on the corner of the bed. His expression was filled with worry and understanding. “You’re disappointed.”

“I’m twenty-three and I still somehow allow my father to let me down. I just really thought he would want to around right now,” she admitted with a sigh. It felt like cotillion, or high school graduation. It was the same story, but she was just older. He sent beautiful words, good sentiments and thoughtful gifts but did not show.

“You never give up on people,” he replied.

She smiled at Chuck. He didn’t need to say anymore because she knew the rest of the sentiment. _And that is why you are going to make an amazing mother._

"Do you ever still feel like a child? Like we are just playing pretend...," she asked, her voice dragging quieter at the end. She searches his eyes and finds truth. She always felt so exposed in his presence, so here in this room alone she let her thoughts flow. There was no one else in this life or an other who let led her to be so raw. 

"All the time," Chuck replied. She placed a hand against the widest part of her bump where she was sure Henry’s head was resting and he rested his own against it. "They don't tell you this part of adulthood. I don't think it is a feeling that will easily disappear."

"Do you feel ready?" she whispered. 

"No, not at all," he replied just as softly. His vulnerability matched hers. She read between his lines.

Blair smiled until he smiled back and she shook her head. "Neither, at least we're in this together."

It would be alright because, as cliche as it was they had each other. There was no one else she could do it with, and she knew that with every fiber of her being. There was no one ever who knew her loves, desires, secrets and fears like he did. "I love you," he said and kissed her shoulder. "I wake up every day grateful I get to love you and that soon I'll get to love you twice over." 

“I just don’t want him to ever feel disappointed by us,” Blair admitted. “Or anyone. But I’ll admit I’m letting my own fears get the best of me, he is probably going to be so much stronger than I could imagine.”

They both think of all of the things they wish they were given as children. If they were parented properly, loved more wholly then what would they have been? She knows he will be more self-assured, brave and smarter than them both.

“We’re going to meet our match,” Chuck replied.

Blair laughed. "Our clean winning streak is about to get obliterated."

-

She didn’t know if she could do it. There is a second as she waits to hear the baby scream where she realises anything really is possible for someone you already love unconditionally with the one you love the most on your team. She would do it all over again to just to hear him make that sound another time. She could take any pain to just hear him breathe. They place her tiny boy onto her chest. He is perfect, pink and completely unaware on how he has just wholly changed the world. She can’t help the way she cries. Blair smiles and between the tears she tells him, “I’ve been waiting for you.”

She never let go of Chuck’s hand. The second she finally takes her gaze off the baby she catches him pressed up next to her. His eyes are filled with awe and tears as they watch. “You made him,” he whispered, sounding impossibly proud. She can’t help but let out another happy set of tears as they both kissed his perfect little cheeks and then each other.

“He’s perfect,” Blair whispered. The heartbeat that she memorised every night. She made him. He’s made of morning light and love. And strength, grit and the night sky. _Henry_ means home, ruler and but so much more than any dictionary could define.

Chuck didn’t think he would ever need more than Blair just flooding his veins. There could never be any distractions because no one else mattered. He didn’t see them. He could spot Blair in a crowded room and she was the only thing he wanted even in city filled with millions. He would have gazed upon Blair alone for the rest of his life and been content before this moment. But now he can’t remember a time without Henry.

Blair holds Henry pressed against her chest until he is taken to be cleaned and clothed. She doesn’t want to let him go and her hands tremble as he is picked up. It dawns on her for the first time in nine months she is without him. She can’t remember a time where she wasn’t his keeper.

Chuck keeps a close eye on him, showing the nurse the exact tiny outfit, hat and socks they had picked out carefully months and months ago. She is suddenly not so anxious. The happy tears keep flowing as she watches him help the nurse with the little socks. Henry is quiet, content and safe. This big world is scary, but it is as if he already knows how lucky he got.

Chuck scoops him up and Henry is wrapped in a bundle, his little pink cheeked face poking out beneath his white hat and the folds of a blanket. She watches his tense arms relax at holding a real baby for the first time ever. If she thought her heart couldn’t love him any more than it did yesterday, she was wrong. The sight melts her and it dawns on her they are a family.

Blair reaches her arm out toward them as they make their way back toward the bed. He crouches down next to her, lowering Henry to eye level and Blair turns her head. The hand that reached out to them strokes against the newborns head gently, down his sides and toward Chuck’s own fingers. She links them. “I’m so proud of you,” he tells her.

“I did all that work yet he looks just like you,” Blair laughs, but her throat constricting with emotion.

-

_2012_

_There were only two people in the world. It was just them on a slice of paradise. Blair dreamt of waves that rolled on forever, sunshine that never dipped beneath the shoreline and endless bliss. In this world there was no cold winter in New York to go back to or reality to face. It was just them, together and in love like they should be._

_“We’re going home tomorrow,” Blair said. It was hot but she didn’t care, she was reclined against him in their lounger facing the water. She closed the book she was pretending to read and placed it against her chest._

_Chuck didn’t reply so she elbowed him. “We are,” he mumbled, half asleep._

_“I’m scared,” Blair replied in a moment of pure honesty. “I don’t know how to be married.”_

_He was definitely awake now. Chuck moved his hand to find hers and intertwined them. “I think we’ve been doing a pretty decent job at it,” he said. “I’d give you an A+.”_

_Blair smirked and turned her attention from the waves to him. She looked so relaxed and free, she tugged her sunglasses off. It was the month of relaxation and newlywedded bliss. “I was just thinking, we’ve never sorted out any of the big serious issues people normally sort out before they get married. We haven’t even decided on where we are going to live.”_

_“We’ve been busy.”_

_They had been busy sleeping, eating, drinking, and having ridiculous amounts of sex. He stared at her until her eyes sparkled with joy. She woke up every morning surprised on how they kept getting better._

_“Alright,” Chuck said finally when he realised his attempt to ignore reality was ignored. She wasn’t going to let it go and relax. “Where do you want to live? I know you’ve made the plan in your head already.”_

_Blair sighed playfully. “We can go back to mine, but I think we should find a new place to live. I’ve always wanted to live in a townhouse. It is a compromise between a penthouse and hotel.”_

_“I know you, we will find one and you’ll want to renovate it all,” Chuck said honestly._

_“That is true, it could take a while. We might need to find somewhere else to stay to bridge the time, I can’t handle us living with Serena or Nate for longer than a week.”_

_They both laugh at the thought. Blair continues to think it over. “I’ll take Dorota. She can sort out any staffing we will need. No objections?”_

_“No,” Chuck says with a smile. “I like the idea. Pre-war, quiet street but close to the park, lots of bedrooms for our many many children.”_

_“Two,” Blair replied quickly._

_“Bedrooms?” he said with a teasing tone._

_“Children.”_

_They looked at each other for a moment. She knew for all his mischievousness it would be what he wanted too. “And where do these two fit in on the Blair Waldorf Bass five-year timeline?”_

_She shrugged. The thought of deadlines and due by dates were almost childlike in nature to her now. She had things she wanted and goals but getting engaged and married in one day did make her content that it doesn’t matter how or when things happen. It just mattered that they were right._

_“I’ll come back to you on that one,” she replied._


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a bit different to what i had planned (aka i would've liked more flashbacks) but it is what it is! also, i'll probably do a third & final part of this now. so we're not done yet! 
> 
> note, this chapter include a dan/blair conversation but it not at all pro-dair, it is more....the opposite.

_BASS BILLIONARIES WELCOME HEIR_

_SATURDAY, NY – New York’s wealthiest residents have welcomed their first child. Chuck Bass and wife Blair Waldorf Bass confirmed they have welcomed a son. The couple confirmed the impending arrival earlier in the year after circulating rumours and confirmed the safe delivery yesterday. The provided statement did not confirm the date of birth but stated, “We are please to confirm the safe arrival of our son.” Lenox Hill confirmed the family celebrated the arrival by endowing the hospital a grant. Sources close to the couple stated they were extremely happy, and he would likely be christened in a private ceremony later this month._

-

“I’ve never been in a church before,” Chuck stated.

“You’re a liar,” Blair replied quickly with a bite in her tone. “We went to chapel all the time at school.”

“I liked to skip that,” he muttered under his breath. Blair resisted her urge to roll her eyes. She could definitely and clearly remember him opting to instead smoke in the courtyard.

“And you also came inside the church the day – “

“I removed that one from my memory,” he replied, interrupting her. “It doesn’t count.”

“Me too,” Blair said, turning to look at him. “I know this is not your style, but this is important.” She finally smiled. “This is our family,” she finished with warmth. “Our quasi catholic jewish non-denominational mixed faith family.”

She looked at him sitting on the edge of their bed waiting for her in his perfectly picked suit. Blair wore a matching tweed jacket and skirt that complimented him. They had had fun picking out a matching fit for Henry. They both looked at each other with a matching warmth in their eyes at the mention of family.

“Plus,” Blair said with a little cheek and a tilt of her head. She walked closed to the bed. “You look sexy as dressed up as my good church boy.”

He smirked. “Careful, at this rate you sound like you’ll end up skipping our son’s christening to defile me.”

She leant down and kissed him squarely on the lips. Blair resisted the urge to mess his hair up by running her fingers through it. “I’m a good girl. I’ll save that for after the ceremony.”

Like more often than not their kiss quickly turned more heated and Blair hitched her legs on either side of his.

“Or before,” he murmured between a kiss.

Blair couldn’t hide the blush on her cheeks when they finally made it downstairs, or in any of the photos outside the church.

-

Henry made the softest noises as he slept. He would occasionally screw his eyebrows together or snuffle. They watched him like he was the entire world. Blair would find herself constantly admiring him. She would hope he would always stay peaceful but a little part of her always longed for him to wake so she could snuggle him closer and soothe him. They both were constantly trying to wean themselves off the habit of letting him fall asleep in their arms at any opportunity. However the truth was, he always slept most soundly in the arms of his father.

Blair watched him and the way he huffed out his silent little breaths in his crib while she wrung her fingers together. His chest rose and fell like he was having the most peaceful snooze of his life. Yet his mother was going through the exact opposite emotions. It was no mean feat leaving your perfect little darling for a few hours at night for the first time.

“Miss Blair,” Dorota whispered from beside her. “He will be alright. I am sure he will sleep all night.”

She sighed silently. “I don’t trust this nanny,” she whispered between clenched teeth to Dorota. “I seriously doubt she is the ‘best’ the city had to offer. Watch her every move.”’

Dorota nodded. “I will stay.”

“One step out of line and I’ll make sure she never works again,” Blair finished with a small smile that Dorota took in with fear. She didn’t doubt her employer’s words.

Blair teared herself away from Henry’s room finally and made her way downstairs. She had on a real full-length dress and felt so at home. She felt at home in bed with any of her fabulous array of pyjamas on and her baby keeping her awake. However, she still equally felt just as at home in custom Oscar De La Renta.

She walked to the foyer and Chuck lounged on their chaise scrolling through his phone lazily. His suite and tie perfectly fitted, like they had been for the last hour. There had been a time when he was waiting patiently. That time came and went.

“How many hidden cameras did you install?” he joked as he sensed her approaching. “Be honest.”

“Hundreds. We can find some creative uses for them later,” Blair retorts.

He laughed softly as he stood up and returned his phone to his pocket. “We might make intermission,” he teased. He took her in properly and his eyes melted. He liked her in anything, but red like a flame was his favourite. She is a siren, a vision and all his.

“You look more beautiful than ever,” Chuck told her as he grabbed her coat for her.

She blushed a little, like always. “You already told me that upstairs, you’re just trying to seduce me Mr Bass.”

He helped her into the coat and leaned into the shell of her ear to whisper, “Always.”

-

Opera was innately romantic. It was embedded in the fabric of it. Their booth was perfectly situated, the show was flawless, and everything was just like Blair had wanted. Yet her mind kept wandering.

“He is fine, he’ll still be fast asleep,” Chuck whispered to her, his breath warm against the shell of her ear. The arm he had wrapped around the back of her chair moved a little closer. His hand traced a soothing pattern against the bare skin of her shoulder.

“I know,” Blair replied softly. Her eyes darted away from the stage to meet his.

His expression creased with concern. “What are you worried about?”

She looked at his eyes, his lips and again felt the tender touch of his fingers against her warm flesh. His thumb grazed her calmly like he sensed her internal anguish and how her mind wandered.

“I’m not worried,” Blair said, with honestly. Her eyes followed him.

Chuck allowed his free hand to move toward her and he titled her chin up with a tender brush. Blair felt her bottom lip drop and her heart rate beat a little quicker. The room was ridiculously hot.

“Tell me what you want,” he asked, his voice flowing like honey. He knew her like his favourite book and was slowly unravelling her thread by thread.

The singer on the stage kept going and all Blair could think was that everyone in the room was watching the stage and yet here they were, in their own world, all wrapped up together. She needed him.  
  
“You,” Blair replied, as softly as ever.

His confused expression slowly evolved into a smirk. “Right now? Here?”

He knew her too well. She didn’t have to spell it out any further than the one word. Her favourite. He saw the look in her face, the gentle sheen of perspiration against her chest that rose and fell, and the hunger in her tone. The booth was barriered and the lights dimmed. They both looked and could see the doors were closed. The curtains drawn behind them.

He slipped smoothly and seamlessly off his chair and onto his knees. The barrier that shielded their bodies was high enough that Blair could rest her hands against it if she leant forward to get a better view. She knew no one would see below it. For anyone in the crowd not engrossed in the utter brilliance of the performance, it was reasonable to believe her husband slipped out for a moment. The thrill that someone might have been watching closer was all she needed. It was her one true vice. 

His head disappeared beneath the thick heavy layers of her dress. He tugged her hips so they slipped to the edge of the seat. Her flimsy black lace lingerie was pushed down toward her trembling knees as her nails dug deep into the leather arm rests. It had been all she had thought of since they sat down and the lights were dimmed, she was overflowing with wet anticipation. She couldn't see him but she could clearly feel the way he smiled. She knew that face, she could picture it against her as he devoured her. She could feel his careful fingers track patterns now against the skin of her thighs. Blair's eyes rolled back a little. He played her the way she wanted. He didn't give it to her quick and easy, he pushed and pulled. In the back of her mind remained the thrill that someone might interrupt. 

His tongue brought her to her high. If she had been paying attention to the stage she could have realised that her peak met with theirs, but she was in another world. 

-

Blair watched the last of the models return back toward the end of the runway and sighed a breath of relief. It had unknowingly been stuck in her chest the entire time. It was her idea to do something a bit more casual. She had to spend months planning on aligning it with the brand vision, deflecting opinions they were selling out and ultimately getting it across the line. The reviews weren’t in, but she knew it was a winner. The pieces were beautiful and perfectly fit for the new generation of multitasking sophisticated working women. Her lead designer grabbed her hand and together they walked out to make a quick bow on the runway. She blushed at the genuine applause. Blair walked off and back to behind the scenes thinking like she always did, ‘They really liked it, they really liked my work.’

Her eyes scanned the room that broke out in a flurry of excitement. She was frequently approached to be complimented by her team. She greeted and thanked everyone in return from the models, to the stage crew. It normally took a few minutes for any of her friends and family to sneak back.

“It was flawless, congratulations!” Jenny said with a wide smile.

“Thank you,” Blair said in response. She tugged her in for a brief genuine hug. “And you too, you did amazing,” she added in regard to the junior line she had been put in charge of that they had shown earlier in the day.

As Blair pulled away she saw what she had been searching for approaching over her shoulder. If it was possible, her grin doubled. This was her favourite part of any show. She left Jenny to turn her full attention towards Chuck and Henry. Like always, they were dressed perfectly to match her and the colour scheme of the designs. It meant today there were all in beautiful tennis whites and greens.

“Mommy,” her little two year old said, reaching a tiny arm out toward her.

She kissed Chuck before he could say anything or hand her the big bouquet in flowers in the hand that wasn’t holding Henry. All of the success in the world was futile if she didn’t have them.

“ _Mommy_ ,” Henry said again. He tugged on her sleeve and Blair broke away from the kiss to giggle. She hadn’t seen him all weekend so it was no surprise.

“Alright,” she said as she offered her arms out and stole Henry away. “Come to me.”

She snuggled him up and let him rest his head on her shoulder. Blair left a quick kiss on his hair line.

“Congratulations,” Chuck said, and he managed to sneak another kiss, this time with less distraction, on her. “It was perfect, down to every last detail. Like always.”

“Do you think so?” She asked with genuine curiosity. “Did people seem interested?”

“Definitely.”

Chuck handed her the flowers and Blair took them with a soft thank you. She held her two favourite gifts in her arms. “Did you think it was perfect Henry?”

He nodded. “Yes.”

-

It was normally six thirty that the alarm went off and they woke for a regular weekday. It was definitely not six thirty when Blair heard the soft sound of feet on the floor and the door to the master bedroom opening. She could sleep through plenty of noises, but maternal superpowers meant it was impossible to not hear tiny feet, hands and snuffles.

She stirred automatically in a state of half sleep and half awake.

“Mommy,” Henry whispered, his voice filled with tears. His little hand reached out and tugged her shoulder.

If she was half asleep before, she was fully awake now. She tugged of her eye mask. Blair pulled herself up and reached toward the bedside lamp. She felt Chuck stir next to her as she pulled away from him and flicked the light on.

Henry stood by the side of the bed with his favourite soft toy in one arm and a trembling bottom lip. His other fist rubbed his teary eye.

“Oh baby, what’s wrong?” Blair said as she stretched her arms out to tug him up. He came easily into her embrace and up onto the bed.

She knew what it was likely to be. If it were a bad dream, scary noise or a monster under the bed it would be daddy he would be after. But if he was feeling sick, it was always mommy to the rescue. Henry sniffled and a big tear tracked down his cheek. Blair wiped it away with her thumb.

Chuck sat up, rubbing his own eyes with the back of his hand just like Henry had. “Are you not feeling well?” he asked Henry, pressing his hand against his forehead.

Henry shook his head. “My throat hurts,” he replied, looking at Blair. His voice was scratchy and rough. She rubbed her hand up and down his back to soothe him softly.

“He’s pretty warm,” Chuck said as he pulled back the blankets and climbed out. “I’ll see what we have.”

As Chuck headed downstairs Blair gave Henry a kiss to the top of his head. She pulled him in close against her chest and rocked them back and forth until she felt him relax against her. “It hurts,” he said again, hoping she would make it go away.

“I know, but it will be alright. Daddy will find something to make it better.”

“Sing the song,” he asked quietly.

She smiled. “Okay.”

Blair hummed _Moon River_ to him all the way through like she did when he was little. He was bigger now, but still very much her baby. It eventually ended, and Chuck returned with some liquid painkillers. Henry screwed his face up at it but took the pink liquid without too much fuss.

They pulled back the blankets and he wriggled in. He set himself in the middle of the bed. Chuck dimmed the lights and Blair tugged the covers right up to Henry’s chin. His soft brown bear nestled in next to him. It only took a few minutes of her running her hand through his hair for him to fall back asleep. She pressed her hand against his forehead to find he felt a little less warm.

“That doctor is useless,” Blair grumbled.

Chuck couldn’t help the way he smiled at her. “We can worry about it tomorrow.”

“Today,” Blair sighed. She picked up her phone from the side table, it was already five o’clock. “I really can’t miss work, my day is so full – “

“I’ll stay home, it’s fine.”

“I’ll book the doctor’s appointment, with someone actually competent this time.” Blair leant across the bed, careful not to jostle Henry, to peck Chuck on the lips. “Thank you.”

She left the phone on the side table and they booth nestled back down under the covers, with an extra companion.

-

2012

_Blair quickly showered alone while the food was ordered. It was under the hot water that the whole situation dawned on her. Her heart had been racketing against her chest the entire time. It had been beating like never before as she approached that table and she had felt her hands trembling as she placed her chips down. He had looked at her like she had never seen before. He stared her down like she wanted a challenge and then eventually like he knew the cards were down. It was like this was it, the start of forever._

_“My bet is on us,” he had replied. He metaphorically played his hand and laid it bare. In the process, he laid her bare too and she knew all the ugly parts were on show._

_Blair wrapped herself in the white fluffy bathrobe available after her shower. She felt more naked than before as she walked out and back into the room._

_There was food on the table prepared for them. She sat down softly without looking at it._

_“We need to talk,” Chuck said. The way he said it was with no pressure, it could have been immediate or at some distance time before they went back to reality when she was ready. Blair thought for a moment as she placed her hands against the table, she couldn’t allow herself to shut things out anymore. She had promised herself._

_“I need to talk,” she replied. “I don’t even know how I can put into words how much I lost myself this year, I knew immediately Louis and I were just not working. There was so much pressure, breaking up wasn’t even an option at that point I even considered. I was on this ride with no stop.”_

_She steadies herself for the hardest part. “And I realised I was pregnant, at first I pretended it wasn’t happening and then I figured it had to be a sign. If it was his, I was doing the right thing.”_

_There were words unspoken as they both remembered the conversation they once shared. The words said. The ricochet. “If it wasn’t, I was free. I think something snapped in me when I realised I was having his baby, I accepted it was what my life was going to be and made peace with it. I put up with his family, his lying, the manipulation until it just broke me.”_

_Blair remembers the feeling of being unable to move. He can remember the desperation in her voice. “I thought you didn’t you need me anymore, you were better off without me,” she whispered._

_“That isn’t true,” Chuck interrupted for the first time._

_“I know that now,” she replied with a soft smile. “But I thought it deep down, I felt like a burden. I had driven Louis insane by being selfish, I wanted him all to myself to have this perfect life but was still desperately in love with you and he knew it deep down. I stopped loving him then I woke up at the hospital and I was convinced it was my fault you were dying, I was the only reason you were even in that car. I had been so selfish and losing my baby and you were my punishment. I didn’t want to hurt you and I didn’t want to feel a thing, the best way to do that was stay away.”_

_Her eyes filled with tears as she said, “Every time I looked at you I saw all that I lost. I lost myself, I lost you and I lost my baby. And then everything got worse, I was so dead inside that I was humiliated, lied to, manipulated without me evening fighting back.”_

_He leant over and places a bare palm on her cheek. Blair closed her eyes softly. “I never stopped seeing endless strength in you, Blair,” he stated, full of a depth of certainty she wished she heard on one of those dark nights. “You once said I couldn’t destroy you, that was true. Don’t insult me by pretending anyone else could either.”_

_It was true. She smiled gently until she could open her eyes again. “I know that now, I know all of this now. I just wish I realised it sooner. I would’ve if I didn’t push you away.”_

_She wondered if she could take the next chapter out and burn it. If she did, then it wouldn’t exist. She wouldn’t hurt Dan, Serena, Chuck and herself in the process. However, this is not a manuscript and there is no editor to fix her mistakes. She was so tired of pretending and living as if there is one. “On the flight I spent a lot of time thinking, that day I told you I wasn’t in love with you anymore the way I should be…I realised it was because I wasn’t in love with myself anymore. I thought the girl you loved was gone.”_

_“You don’t have to explain,” Chuck said. The hidden meaning behind his words were as clear as ever, I know you better than I know myself._

_“I want to.” The meaning behind her words was clear to him, she had to do this for herself and for them. “Dan was the only thing I felt like I still had control over. I knew how it would play out, I would tell him I wanted him and he would take me, I would tell him my fears and he would placate them, I would run from myself and he would follow me, I would eventually leave him and it wouldn’t hurt one bit.”_

_He was a crutch, the bridge between now and then._

_“Do you forgive me?” she asked, with hope in her eyes._

_“I don’t need to, I was never angry,” he replied simply. She knows it to be true._

-

The low hum of busy content family filled the home. The echo circled up through each floor and bounced off the walls. Blair prided herself on being a host with the highest level of manners and took pleasure in making sure everything ran smoothly. Their parties were not infamously perfect by accident.

“More caviar,” she whispered to Dorota through clenched teeth. These caterers were skimping and they both knew it. Dorota titled her head in reply with an arched eyebrow.

It was not every day you hosted an engagement party. It was even more infrequent to host one for a best friend. Blair was ready to leave and re-join the party so searched for her abandoned champagne flute. She had dropped it to the side for inspection duties. The always wise Dorota picked it up from its spot hidden behind a vase of peonies and handed it over.

“Thank you,” Blair sighed as she took it and sipped. Her moment of calm was interrupted by the one and only Dan Humphrey entering her kitchen with a half empty bucket of ice. “You’re not my cater waiter,” she scolded.

She motioned for Dorota and she quickly took the offending object from his hands.

“I don’t mind,” Dan replied.

Blair bit back her retort about the fact that she paid people to perform duties like that and replied with a clenched smile. “Alright. It is your engagement party, I’ll allow you to do as you please.”

He seemed reasonably happy with that and Blair was satisfied she would now leave the conversation where it stood. However, Dan had other ideas.

“I saw Vanessa last week, we watched _Nights in Cabiria_ , they had a remastered copy playing at Film Forum, and I remembered how much you liked it,” he said as he leant against the kitchen island. He said it was an air of nonchalance.

She crossed her arms. It took her back. It was the week she quit her job at W so just moments before she descended into her full spiral of delusion. She hadn’t wanted to face anyone or feel, yet that film forced her to confront her loneliness. “Good film,” she replied. However, she added, “I was pretty depressed that time I watched that with you and cried.”

“Do you ever wonder what our trip to Rome would have been like?” Dan asked suddenly, almost ignoring her reply.

She furrows her brow. The film was Italian. Blair queried, “Trip to Rome?”

He returned her puzzled expression. “The writers program?” he replied, slightly exasperated.

“Right,” Blair said with a small laugh, slowly realising. “ _Your_ trip to Rome.”

Dan stared back at her and his blank expression slowly gained a little clarity. Blair was unsure what brought on his sudden need for reminiscence. She wondered if reconnecting with Vanessa after their failed relationship destroyed their friendship was making him reconsidered the same for her. They knew it was the same carbon copy pattern after all.

Blair scoffed as she thought a little harder. “You didn’t really think I was ever actually planning to tag along on that as your little assistant, did you Dan?”

He watched her for a second and she watched his mind work the question over. He definitely did, in his mind they would’ve spent their days in Rome while he worked, and she waited. He probably imagined it with a rose-coloured tint of what could have been. Dan writing on a masterpiece up in an attic overlooking the city about a sheltered man who fixed a broken girl. Blair down in the city below, shopping and waiting for him.

For Blair, it never even occurred, not in reality, fantasy or imagination.

He shook his head slightly and laughed. “Serena and I are off to Rome for a celebratory week away. I’ve got some time to write hopefully lined up.”

Blair barely heard his reply. She spotted in the corner of her eye her husband with a sight she thought she could only dream of. It was the most romantic thing. It was not diamonds, flowers, clothing, or chocolates but the sight of their three-year-old absolutely deep asleep with his head leant on his shoulder.

“Oh my god,” she whispered in his direction as he walked into the kitchen. “I love you.”

Chuck approached them and Blair ran a soft hand through Henry’s unruly hair. He shockingly slept soundly, despite all of his earlier protests that he would refuse to sleep if there was a party on.

“Walked up the stairs about a hundred times,” Chuck said with a glint in his eye.

“It still works,” Blair replied. It did the trick when he was a newborn, teething, the terrible twos and still now if you had the patience.

It dawned on them both that Dan was still there, and they turned to look at him.

“You, Serena, and Rome,” Blair said suddenly returning back to their conversation. “She told me. I am sure you’ll both enjoy, but make sure you take her on a Vespa when she isn’t sunbathing or shopping.”

“We’re off to Cannes in two weeks,” Chuck added.

Blair kept carding her fingers through Henry’s hair. “Well, just us. My anniversary gift. He will be off with his grandparents,” she added with a small smile.

“I’ll put him in his actual bed,” Chuck said, and Blair nodded in response.

He turned to leave but thought better of it. He looked at Dan with almost a small smile, “Daniel, you’ve reminded me, for your engagement present – “

Dan shook his head at him with a smile and tried to step away from them with his hands raised. “It’s fine, the party was more than enough.”

“We insist, and don’t be modest we’re going to brothers,” Chuck continued. “You’ll let me dress you for the wedding.”

-

After drying her face, Blair picked up her La Mer eye cream and opened the cap. She watched Chuck from his side of the vanity reach for his own skincare. The amount of product they had combined on the counters and in the cabinets constantly grew.

“Care to put a wager on if they will actually make it down the aisle?” she asked, with a cunning look in her eyes.

Chuck’s own eyes met hers in the mirror with an equally mischievous look. “That wouldn’t be very nice,” he said. Blair pouted a little as she dabbed a bit of cream on. It was her _‘let’s be bad’_ face that met his gaze.

“But it would be fun,” he said eventually.

Blair smiled wickedly. She picked up her face cream as he did for his own. “I think in around twelve months, just before the date, it will fall apart,” she said. “Dan will second guess it and make Serena bolt.”

“I think they’ll get married,” Chuck said with stone cold finality. He reached for a toothbrush.

Blair turned her body towards his and placed a hand on her hip. Her jaw slightly dropping. “Don’t wish that upon them,” she cried.

He seemed to enjoy her aggravation but sensed it was less to do with the prediction itself but the idea that they were on different pages. “We can’t always be like minded on everything,” he offered to ease her delicate feelings. “The caveat is, that it will be two years maximum.”

“Alright,” Blair said softly. He could be onto something, but ether way she had a feeling she was going to get another win under her belt. “What is on the table?”

“Winter vacation,” Chuck replied. They both smiled.

“Aspen,” Blair said with definiteness.

“Sydney,” Chuck said, with equal decisiveness.

She tried her best to hold back the eye roll she felt coming on. “Winter vacations aren’t supposed to be warm,” she muttered loud enough for him to hear as she put the lid back on her night cream.

Chuck snaked an arm around her middle and tugged her into him. “No cheating,” he whispered as she giggled. “Play clean.”

“I would never! I find that accusation highly offensive,” she replied as he started to kiss her neck. “I would never try every tactic I can think of to break them up.”

-

“Be careful,” Blair said as Henry nodded, only half listening, and then took off. He was ignoring her in seconds by trying to climb up the playground triple his size. She folded her arms and contemplated following after him.

In was a pleasant morning. The city was waking up. It meant the regular Saturday crowd were out in full force at the park. There were gossiping au pairs, meddling grandparents and bunches of doting parents which was the category she now fell into. She was easily the best dressed, her new Birkin and her husband in tow were two accessories most of the other woman envied. The weather reminded Blair that with every sunrise it inched them closer to fully feeling like summer in New York.

Henry made his way up some bars and she wondered how long it was going to take for him to graze an elbow.

“He’s fine,” Chuck mumbled from behind her, clearly hearing her internal monologue.

Blair turned and huffed out a breath. He held out her takeaway coffee cup toward her. She didn’t uncross her arms until he arched an eyebrow at her. They stared at each other in silence for a few seconds before she finally sat herself down on the park bench. She took the cup and sipped it.

“He gets this adventurous streak from you,” she said with a smile. “You are in charge of him when he bruises his knees again and cries.”

“I think we can take equal part blame for those genes,” Chuck replied.

Blair huffed at him playfully. “I disagree, I would’ve never been caught dead playing on dirty climbing frames or swing set.”

“Because your mother loathed the idea if it.”

She contemplated it, like always he was correct. “Point ceded,” Blair replied with a tight smile. He reached out with him thumb and pointed finger to graze her chin and get a real smile out of her. It worked.

They both turned their attention back to the giant playground right in front of them that was Henry’s favourite. It was easy for them to spot him just meters away. He had a look of determination on his face as he tried to climb.

“Speaking of your mother,” Chuck continued. “Last weekend she cornered me in the kitchen and asked me when I was getting her a granddaughter.”

“Of course, she did!” Blair laughed. “I want to stay Cyrus put her up to it, but I doubt it.”

He extended his arm and put it around her shoulders to tug her closer toward him. “I’m game if you are,” he whispered into the shell of her ear.

Blair hummed at him and narrowed her eyes. “You always are.”

She really did want a little girl to spoil with love and attention. She didn’t blame her mother, because she also coveted over tiny little outfits and headbands. It was almost enough to push her over the edge. The thing that always did momentarily blind her with baby fever was her imagination running wild with the thought of Chuck holding their little tiny girl. She watched him as he kept his eye on Henry running around. Her mind ran wild picturing him taking her ice skating for the first time at Christmas. He could get her a little pair of skates to match Henry’s and Blair would get them all matching outfits. Chuck would carry her up on his shoulders home from the rink. Her flowing train of thought was interrupted by Henry.

“Daddy,” Henry shouted as he walked toward them. He had a bit of a scuff mark on one knee and Blair’s eyes instantly caught it. “I fell over, it just hurt a little bit.”

He pointed his injured knee out with a finger, and he tried to hide the welling of tears in the corners of his eyes. Chuck picked him up under his small arms and placed him on his own knee. Henry’s small hand clutched at the collar of his jacket. “I think it looks like it will be alright,” Chuck said. “You’re so brave.”

Blair narrowed her eyes and leant forward to inspect it. “Are you sure?” Blair said. It looked like it might leave a bruise.

“Can you still walk?” Chuck asked Henry. “We can go home.”

“Yes, I’m fine,” Henry assured him. “I want to go to the museum now, I want to see the dinosaurs.”

-

It is long after dinner by the time Henry has eaten, caused havoc in his bath, and settled for the night. Henry traces his fingers around the stitched monogram on his silk pyjamas. His finger trails the path of the swooping H and cursive B.

“Can Monkey sleep in my bed tonight?”

“No, he has to sleep in his own bed and guard the front door,” Blair replies as she fluffs his pillows and pulls the covers up to his chin.

“Can I go to the park tomorrow?”

“Depends on the weather, if it doesn’t rain then we can go.”

He frowns. He doesn’t mind if it rains but he knows that Monkey will get wet and cold if it rains. He wouldn’t want that for his loyal but aging companion.

“Do you love me?”

She smiles. “I do. I love you more and more every day.”

He smiles back and reaches a hand out to her. “You are so pretty Mommy.”

“Thank you. Are you trying to bribe me?”

Henry giggles and wraps their fingers together. “Can I have a hot chocolate?”

“Nope,” she replies instantly. She reaches down and pinches his cheek. “You already brushed your teeth and I know what you are trying to do. I know you well mon chérie, it is bedtime.”

Chuck walks into the room just as she is finishing her sentence and he carries the once missing but now found soft rabbit toy that was downstairs. He tucks it into bed next to Henry. It should be the last errand he has to run before the lights are switched off.

“Daddy,” Henry starts. He avoids the knowing gaze of his mother. “I love you. Can I have a hot chocolate?”

“What did Mom say?”

“She said no,” Blair states, crossing her arms. “And that it is final.”

Henry looks at them both from his bed. He has his blankets tucked up so high and he gives them an angelic smile. “That smile may work on Daddy,” Blair continues. “But not me and I am the boss.”

She looked over at her husband and he looked back at her and for a moment she knew they both thought the same thing. The remembered how lucky they were, and how special this life was even in a tiny moment like this. His expression also confirmed she most definitely was the boss. 

“Tomorrow we can go to Serendipity,” Chuck offered instead.

Henry, happy with that answer, let them turn the lamp off. “Good night baby,” Blair whispered as she closed the door gently behind them.

They walked toward their own room and Chuck wrapped Blair up from behind. “You’re too soft,” she said, the words full of love. She was wholly aware he was going away for three days the day after tomorrow and feeling guilty. “He knows what he is doing. Sorry to make you feel unloved, but he barely cares you are going to Tokyo. He is too excited about this class trip to the Zoo on Tuesday.”

He chuckled. “At least you’ll miss me though, right?”

Blair smiled as they entered their room. “Of course, that’s why I had a hot bath run for us.”

-

It was hot and humid when Blair woke. She rolled over across the empty sheets toward a cooler spot. She could tell the windows were open. There was a soft gentle breeze that flowed through the villa. It provided a little refuge, but she could still feel the tropical heat sticking to her. Minutes passed before she realised, in her state of half slumber, she was alone. She didn’t open her eyes, but her arm reached out and found no one. She must have been very tired.

Her mind went back to the night before. The food, the alcohol, the beach, and everything else that it eventuated to. The sheets were cool against her bare skin. Blair stretched out head to toe like a cat before slowing opening her eyes. Her body was relaxed after her sleep in but ached in all the right ways. She looked around the room and realised she truly was alone. There was no husband to be found.

She pulled the sheets off and slipped out. She could wander the house undressed but took the time to riffle around the outfits hung untouched in the wardrobe until she found a slip. The silk slid on over her head and down her body easily. Blair opened the door and made her way toward the main area of the villa that had views of their private beach.

She found Chuck outside and snuck up slowly to surprise him. Her hands wrapped around his shoulders from behind. “Why didn’t you wake me?” she said as she kissed him. She let go and then seated herself on his lap. “I’m surprised I didn’t notice you were gone.”

“You looked so peaceful,” he said contently. “You were very sleepy.”

“What time is it?”

“Almost mid-day.”

Blair’s eyes doubled in size and she pulled back. “You let me sleep until mid-day?”

“Yes,” Chuck replied, full of certainty. “You were tired. We’re on holiday.”

She wasn’t angry just shocked. “You make me tired,” she said after a moment.

He smirked at her as he slipped a hand up the flimsy slip. He knew there was nothing else under it. He replied, “And I’ll make sure to do it all over again tonight.”

She loved the thought and leaned into him to kiss him properly. As they kissed, he pushed her back a little until she was slowly pushed up against the table, her back arching as she leant across it. Her legs wrapped around his middle. The slip was slowly slipping away and off but she suddenly attempted to still his hands. “Wait,” she mumbled, between kisses. Blair made little effort herself to stop. “I have to -” she mumbled between another kiss. “Tell you something.”

“It can wait,” Chuck replied. He got what he wanted, and she was bare.

She kissed him and then grabbed his jaw with her hands. “I can’t,” she said as she got his full attention. “I tried to tell you twice yesterday, but _this_ happened!”

They both finally stilled, and Blair sat up. She wrapped her loose arms around his neck and linked her fingers together. She smiled like she had a secret.

“Alright. And?” he asked, on his best behaviour and now intrigued at her secretiveness.

“I’m pregnant,” she whispered. Her small smile slowly grew into a grin as she nodded at his blank expression.

“Really?” he asked, his jaw hanging open.

“Surprise,” she giggled. It was an almost expected but still unexpected gift. Blair patted his cheek. “Solid effort on the gift front with the trip and the first addition copy of _Wuthering Heights_ , but I think I win this one.”

He kissed her on her lips, cheeks, neck, down her throat in a winding pathway toward her stomach. “I’ll take that loss,” he mumbled, Blair feeling his grin against her warm skin.

**Author's Note:**

> the sonnet included in the note from chuck is shakespeare's sonnet 116
> 
> you can catch me on twitter @chairiconic where i love people giving me inspiration and ideas


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